


It's Heavy

by ukranianstairs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Domestic Fluff, M/M, One Shot, Oneshot, Really cute, Slow Romance, boyfriend taeyong, cute cute cute, i love domestic yutae, idk what to tag, soft yuta, whatever, yutae, yutae oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 02:10:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16801612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukranianstairs/pseuds/ukranianstairs
Summary: What is love exactly?Is it just some kind of affectionate feelings that you feel towards someone or something?Is it the feeling of being fond to someone or something?Is it a necessary thing to have in between two people or two things to have in order to secure a relationship?





	It's Heavy

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back again with my YuTae crap. I just love them so much. This is just, like almost a drabble but I kinda like it, so I hope you'll like it too. Enjoy reading! ♡

_What is love exactly?_  
_Is it just some kind of affectionate feelings that you feel towards someone or something?_  
_Is it the feeling of being fond to someone or something?_  
_Is it a necessary thing to have in between two people or two things to have in order to secure a relationship?_

  
Yuta isn't sure of his feelings towards Taeyong. They have been dating for months and they even live together, but day by day, the longer he spends his time with Taeyong, the more he questions his emotions and feelings towards the latter. He likes Taeyong, he really does. The boy is almost perfect in every aspect, inside and out. He is probably the best person that you could ever know and Yuta has constantly been told that he's lucky to have Taeyong. Almost everyone is jealous of their ever so perfect relationship and they wished to have Taeyong as their boyfriend. But, Yuta still don't know what does it really mean to love someone.

  
He says it to Taeyong, the three sacred words. Before they go to sleep, when they wake up, when Taeyong leaves for work and just whenever Taeyong says it to him. Once, he didn't say them back to Taeyong, and the boy thought he did something wrong to upset Yuta. It became more of a habit than something that should come out naturally from the heart through the lips. It's like the sacred words are no more sacred, to Yuta, and he begins to feel sad as if it has no exact meaning to it for Yuta to discover and feel. He knew, that love is something that brings weight, brings emotions and brings feelings. Yuta feels happy whenever Taeyong does something to or for him, and as much to say, he can feel Taeyong's love for him. But for him, everytime he tries to reciprocate the same emotions and feelings to Taeyong, he fails and he ends up thinking a lot.

Taeyong is too good for him. He would always put Yuta first before anything, which shows how he said that Yuta is his priority. Even the slightest things, Taeyong would be patient with him and go through it with him with no complaints. Yuta is thankful for that, really, and mainly because no one really puts up with him when he has his cranky and unreasonable days where he would just get mad at anything and everything. Another thing is because Taeyong had always been like that ever since before they dated, and Yuta knew that Taeyong would be able to take care of him really well when they first got together. Probably one of the reasons why he likes Taeyong so much.

  
To Taeyong, having Yuta by his side is the best thing that had ever happened to him. People around them judges Yuta a lot for his personality and behaviour, saying that Yuta is sometimes too outgoing but sometimes too bitchy. The boy is truly like how people say he is, but he never tries to hide himself and be the person he's not, and Taeyong loves him for that. He had told the boy many times about it and he sometimes praise Yuta for having those personality, but yet, Yuta wants to do the same for Taeyong but he ends up failing again. He wants to tell Taeyong that he loves his quirks and selfless personality, but everytime he think about the word 'love', it just makes him stop thinking about anything else but just to wonder what does love actually mean. It hurts Taeyong sometimes, to see Yuta being hesitant in saying those words, but he knows. He knows Yuta well enough, to understand that he doesn't dislike Taeyong but in fact, their feelings are mutual. But love is still something so foreign and too much for Yuta.

  
Yuta likes watching Taeyong do his work on the coffee table in the living room. He admires Taeyong's concentrating look and his frustrated sighs when he can't get things right. He would sit in the living room with Taeyong for hours, if he has nothing to do, and just watch Taeyong do his work, and sometimes chipping in ideas too. He's maybe the best boyfriend too, according to Taeyong, since he would occasionally get up from the couch to make him some tea without him asking, and maybe prepare some desserts for him to take short breaks from his work. Gestures like these are what makes Taeyong convinced that Yuta really likes him, a lot. The boy wouldn't even budge from the couch if anyone else asks him to do something, but for Taeyong, he's willing to do just anything, by his own will too.

  
Taeyong likes giving small presents to Yuta. It becomes his nature to buy the boy things to wear, to use, or maybe just to eat. Yuta counts fancy food and desserts as presents, and Taeyong finds it cute, of course. The things that Taeyong loves buying for Yuta are earrings. The boy has a good amount of piercings and that was the first thing that Taeyong noticed when they first knew each other, and he couldn't help but to admire them. Everytime he gives Yuta a small box, his face would lit up and his smile would slowly grow on his face as he ask, "Earrings?" and every single time, it makes Taeyong fall for him all over again. He knows how much Yuta likes all the earrings that he gave him, and that's the only thing that matters. The way he arranges them in the box that Taeyong had also bought him to keep his earrings in place, the way he treasures them, and the way he yells at people when they touch the box even slightly or on accident, it makes Taeyong feel really warm and fuzzy inside.

"What is it like to love me?"

  
Yuta's question gives a spark to Taeyong's tired self. He often gets weird and funny questions from Yuta whenever he's home after work, but this one is what he often get these recent days, and everytime, he would answer differently. You see, their relationship started because they just knew that their feelings are mutual. They didn't confess to each other, but they started dating ever so naturally. Yuta was in Taeyong's room, reading a manga and when Taeyong entered his room to get his files, he saw how Yuta looked so perfect in his area, in his zone, in his private bubble. "Just be my boyfriend if you're going to act like this," was what Taeyong had said to him before Yuta's eyes started to turn into slight crescents and his smile started to spread across his face, his dimples appearing when they rarely even show. That was how their life started to change, but not too much.

  
"Loving you.. is like walking on a rainbow path," Taeyong answered. True to his words, loving Yuta means a world full of colours. Sometimes his days starts off with dark and gloomy colours, but when he sees Yuta's smile and hear his beautiful melodious laughter, he begins to see pink and purple, vibrant colours that he needs to turn his day upside down. Yuta isn't aware of what effect does he have on Taeyong. For all he know, Taeyong is someone who makes funny remarks and weird gestures even when he's having his worst days, and it makes him laugh most of the time. He knows how being happy makes Taeyong happy too, so he always try his best to make the boy smile.

  
"Hmm.. Loving you is like eating a lollipop." The taste of Yuta's affection is long lasting. Yuta would kiss the boy on the lips only for a short while and briefly, but Taeyong would think about it all day. It's usually Taeyong who initiates random skinship and showing affections but everytime Yuta does it, he would treasure the moment for a very long time and when he goes back to remember them, he would feel tingles all over his body and he would giggle to himself upon remembering how he felt at the time. Countless times, Yuta would walk into the kitchen catching Taeyong smiling widely to himself, and he wonders what did he dream of the night before to cause him acting like that.

  
"Loving you is like oftenly using your favourite perfume that soon it becomes almost your natural scent." Yuta's habits becomes Taeyong's. His way of talking grows in Taeyong that he develops the same way of talking. His annoying naggings becomes something so fond to Taeyong that he doesn't mind listening to them all day long. Yuta's habit of leaving his towel over his head after a fresh shower and walks around the house drinking milk, becomes Taeyong's habit as well. Yuta would sometimes blabber in his own mother tongue language and Taeyong would copy him, adding Japanese remarks whenever he himself does something wrong or whenever Yuta does something silly. Yuta would yell at him for leaving his mug on the coffee table in the living room, making the place look messy and full of paperworks, but he would just smile it off when Yuta finishes his nagging.

  
Yuta had taught Taeyong so many things that he didn't know was important in his daily life, like simple hacks on how to use the kitchenwares and the art of folding napkins in Japanese style. But little did Yuta know, he taught Taeyong how to love as well.

His grip was tight around his then warm mug of tea. Yuta had been sitting alone on the stool near the kitchen island for hours, thinking about the feelings and emotions of love. He was silly, for doubting his feelings towards Taeyong when it's clear in his heart that he really likes the boy to no end. His mind couldn't process how much he _a_ _ctually love_ the boy and how much weight his love carries for the boy. His heart feels full, but also heavy. He became sad, because as much as he loves Taeyong, he only had one heart to carry everything that he has in him for the boy, and it wasn't enough for him. He stares at the almost empty mug in his hands as he remembered all the things that Taeyong had told him. All the answers he gave to Yuta when he asked what is it like to love him.

  
_"Loving you is like an evening breeze."_

_"This question again? Hmm.. Loving you is like taking care of pets?"_

_"It's like floating on water in the middle of the ocean."_

_"Loving you is like securing a spot at a packed parking lot. Hahaha!"_

  
As if he was on a rollercoaster ride of emotions, he began to feel burdened and cornered. He was lost in his own head and as if that wasn't enough, Taeyong's voice and words echoes around in his mind like a swirl of bubblegum pop music. He felt dizzy and he wants to let his emotions out, but somehow, it was bittersweet. He wanted to cry but he also wanted to laugh. Nothing made sense, just like how things were going on in his head at the moment. Yuta whimpers to himself as he lay down his head onto the kitchen island top, still holding onto the already cold empty mug tightly, just to keep himself _slightly_ in place. He was drained, the more he thinks about how much he really love Taeyong, the heavier, and the harder it gets.

  
"Yuta?"

  
Taeyong's voice sounded muffled to Yuta's ears, but he heard it nonetheless. Just like how he could hear his footsteps coming towards him from afar when they lose each other in the supermarket.

  
"Hey love, are you okay?"

  
There it was again, the nickname that Taeyong used to call his boyfriend. It used to only mean as a nickname to Yuta, but now that he learned the weight of love, the nickname sounded so, _so_ , sentimental to him. It's as if he was only then brought to light, on how much it means for Taeyong to call him that, and it makes him feel awful for not understanding it sooner. He lifted up his head to look at Taeyong and the boy noticed, how troubled Yuta looked, and how his eyebrows were knitted together, with his eyes looking glossy as if he was so close to crying. "Taeyong," was all he muttered before his eyes moved downwards and his arms reached out to wrap around Taeyong's waist, pulling him in for a tight yet loose hug. Taeyong was taken aback and he wanted to say something, but seeing how broken and conflicted his love looked like, he decided to let the nature take him over.

Taeyong wrapped his arms loosely around Yuta's head and comforted him with slow and gentle strokes on his hair. The latter wasn't making any sound, but Taeyong knew he needed to let it out somehow. Yuta is tough. He rarely shows his sad emotions to Taeyong or to anyone, because he thinks that being sad is wasting time and he should spend more time to be happy, he said. So everytime Taeyong senses that something is wrong, he would always tell Yuta that it's okay. Just like in that moment right then. "It's okay," he whispered ever so softly, only enough for Yuta to hear him.

  
In less than a minute, the sound of Yuta sobbing against Taeyong's stomach was heard and his wrap around Taeyong's waist had gotten tighter. The latter leaned his head down and wrapped his arms completely around Yuta's head, engulfing him in a warm, full hug. This was rare of Yuta and it was the first time for Taeyong to witness his boyfriend in such a situation, but he kept himself composed, for Yuta. The Japanese could feel his emotions flow out through his soft cries and he didn't know if he was relieved or feeling even more sad. Taeyong was warm. So warm that he almost felt like he was committing a sin even though he doesn't believe in God. He was so warm that Yuta almost felt guilty for only then, realizing how much he loves Taeyong. He felt so wrong, but so right.

  
Yuta gradually stopped his crying eyes, but not his crying heart, and pulled away slowly from Taeyong, wiping his tear stained cheeks with his sleeves. The latter placed a soft kiss onto the crown of Yuta's head before pulling a stool to sit close in front of him. He waited for Yuta to compose himself and when he did, Taeyong gave a soft encouraging smile to the boy. His smile remained on his face as he waited for the boy to finally voice out his thoughts.

  
"It's heavy."  
"What is?"  
"Love."

  
Yuta's eyes were casted downwards again. His fingers fiddling with each other and his eyebrows began to knit together again. Taeyong heard his words and he reached out to hold onto Yuta's hands to comfort him upon seeing that he might break again. He was honestly confused as to why Yuta said those, but considering how he had been acting for the recent weeks, he understood that those words meant that Yuta had been thinking a lot. "Why do you think it's heavy?" He asked softly, leaning in closer and lower, locking his gaze up with the boy so he wouldn't look away. He wanted to hear every thought that Yuta had on the topic and he wanted to help Yuta to solve his conflict.

  
"My heart hurts.. everytime I think of you. It's like having one isn't enough, that I want to have two hearts. So I could fill it with the thoughts of you."

  
Taeyong smiled when he heard Yuta's pouty accent slipping out of his lips. It was adorable, how his eyes were puffy and his cheeks were slightly bloated. How his fringe was out of place and how pretty he looked like with his still glossy eyes. Taeyong couldn't help but to admire his boyfriend even after he had his sad episode. "Darling," Taeyong started while playing with his fingers and looked at them as he rubs his thumb over Yuta's knuckles.

  
"Love is heavy, yes it is, and that's why you have me. To share your love with."

  
Yuta looked at him with a puzzled expression, as if he was introduced to something new and foreign to his knowledge. It all makes sense now. Just like how he could feel Taeyong's love for him, now he understands why is love so heavy for him but it's light for Taeyong. The boy had been sharing his emotions and feelings to Yuta that he never felt the burden of love. He understood the concept of love better than Yuta does and he knew what to do when he felt like his heart was going to explode. He shows it to Yuta, and he says it to Yuta, how much he loves him. It all makes sense, how Taeyong's love for him was so visible and as clear as crystal, and as bright as the sun, because he shares them with Yuta. Whereas for Yuta, his love for Taeyong wasn't as visible, and wasn't as bright. It has always been there, but he never understood the meaning of love and he never shared his love to Taeyong as much, and that kept his love from being seen, and gloomy.

  
Yuta looked at Taeyong in the eyes, and as if they connected through their thoughts, Yuta smiled through his glossy eyes and still puffy eyes, and Taeyong mirrored his expression. Unlike any other couples where they initiate skinship when times like this comes, the two would only smile at each other and let out soft chuckles and giggles. They take pride in this because like their friends said, their way of showing affection is weird.

  
"I love you, Yuta."  
"I love you too, Taeyong."

  
Taeyong had taught Yuta so many things too, like how to use the oven when he wants to bake cakes and muffins, and how to change the lightbulbs in their house. But one crucial thing that he taught Yuta was love, and Yuta will never forget how he went through rocky roads of emotions with Taeyong to learn the true meaning of loving someone. And of course, he will never forget the taste of loving Taeyong.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Do drop by :)  
> curiouscat.me/ukranianstairs


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